Coffee-mate, the ultimate vice.

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I’ve decided to start my first run at Whole30 on January 4, 2013. I’ve already been eating paleo for a few days now, but there are a few treats that I allow myself. In fact, when I look at these things, I’ve pretty much allowed myself to believe that they somehow “don’t count”. It’s true that I’m allowed to eat whatever combination of paleo/non-paleo that feels right, but I also want to experience what a 100% clean feeling feels like. For me, this means cutting out my coffee, coffee-mate hazelnut fat free creamer, and alcohol.

Looking at that written out made me sigh. It’s going to be tough. I’ve gone through several phases of elimination this past year. One that definitely follows with this pattern is cutting out full sugar regular soda, then diet soda. These drinks, including the creamer-ized coffee, all fall into a category in my mind of “I deserve this”. When you have foods or drinks that have somehow morphed into consolation prizes for hard work, and you stop letting yourself have them, it is a serious mental challenge. I find myself saying, Hey, I worked really hard today, I cared for my family, managed all of life’s hurdles and messes for the day, so why can’t I have that reward??

It’s only now after some time not having my orange fanta that I can recognize the slump I fall into after drinking it and the sugar-crazed behavior it spawns hours (and days) later. I mean, this doesn’t mean that I don’t want a Fanta. The desire is still there, just more balanced and quiet. I still usually need to put myself into situations where I’m not tempted, and when I am tempted I need to find my reserve of firmness. This pool of will power is in its infancy and in can very easily be drained. I remain hopeful that with practice and time, this muscle will grow stronger and be less strained when used.

So anyway, the thought of losing my super sweet, relaxing morning ritual is rather scary to me. It feels like the only thing I have left! But I’m willing to take it away for 30 days to see what it does to my body.

My predictions are:

  • I will sleep much, much better
  • I will struggle with mind for at least a week. This will affect my energy, my mood, my ability to get though the day, my workouts, and my patience.
  • After a week, my energy will be restored and my body will be operating off of a cleaner fuel.
  • I will be hungrier.
  • I will lose my caffeine-craving headache

As I look towards January 4th, I’m already looking forward to February 4th just for the coffee. I know this sounds crazy, but this is demonstrating a ton of progress. I’m not looking forward to eating a shit ton of meaningless carby carbs, a jar of icing or anything with white flour and sugar; that’s kind of amazing. So, in the end, I’m at peace with loving hazelnut creamer and may or may not reunite with it in a month.

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